I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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