My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
