I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
