Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
