four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
