Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
