my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
