What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My pussy is not your playground.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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