my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
