Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
