so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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