Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
