its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
