the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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