Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
