Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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