I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
