why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
