My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
