I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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