You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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