Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
