Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
