But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
