i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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