you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He felt like a one man threesome
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
