The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
