like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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