we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
