My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
