i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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