Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize