you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
