You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
