Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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