I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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