I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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