and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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