Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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