she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
