I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
