he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
