i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
