Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
