and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
