I wannas sexs uuuuu
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
