I seem to have left my pride at pride
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
