i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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