Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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