wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
