his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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