Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
