I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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